PREPARING FOR THE WORST DAY OF THE YEAR, VALENTINES DAY

            I despise Valentines Day. Every year Valentines Day creeps up on me, slowly, and when it hits, it’s painful. I always complain about not having a date on Valentines Day, and then I remember all of the men who asked me out. I have a different excuse for everyone. For the good male friends who are always trying to make the moves I say, “I’m sorry, I’m in love with someone else.” For the acquaintances I reply, “I am going to the movies with my best friend,” and for most I ignore the text.

            I am petrified to give these kids a chance on Valentines Day; it is way too risky. The stars are aligned especially for "love," which causes people to get in weird romantic moods, and later want to make out with you. I would just rather not. Don’t get me wrong; I am by no means a cold and frigid woman. I am in fact a very loving and kind person. It's you, it's not me. 

 Preparing for Valentines Day usually requires both physical and psychological preparation. First, I must make sure I have all of the necessities, which are: chocolate, wine, toilette paper, and a sarcastic girl friend to be cynical with me. Second, I must make sure I do everything in my power to feel extra unromantic and unkind. “I must be strong. I must be wise. I must be a bitch.”

I don’t know why I’m like this.

            I’ve only had one Valentine throughout my whole life. I don’t know what the rest were. It was great, we exchanged gifts in the lunchroom while all of our friends surrounded us like puppies.  He told me exactly what he wanted weeks in advance without making me have to come up with a gift idea on my own. He even told me the price and the location of where to buy it. I think his mother or someone picked out my present. So not too much work on his part. It was one of those perfumes that make you smell like a child prostitute. 

One day my best friend came over, went into my closet and sprayed herself with it. No one but myself had ever used that perfume before. I flipped out. She was going to walk around wearing my perfume from my childhood crush all day. It just didn’t sit well with me. I had only used half an inch of the bottle in 8 years. It wasn’t just something you sprayed around. What the hell was she thinking? I do recall her reaction to my outburst: “It's kind of scary that you still have this, Bianca."

I treasure my memories, I don’t know about you.

Then she told me that if I liked it so much, I should go to the store, buy another perfume, and pour it into the bottle; but it just isn't the same.

            My second "Valentine" was this guy from Italy. After speaking on the phone for a couple of hours my phone bill was pretty expensive, that’s when I realized long distance wasn’t for me. If he wanted to email, even send letters, fine, but no more phone calls. Plus, his Italian accent was way too enticing. What a tease. No more European boyfriends... no way.

            To feel better about myself, I called a few of my single girl friends to ask them what they were doing tomorrow. One said she was "lurking around the house," and the other said she was "going to a bar, alone."
Good thing I have a nonpaying job that keeps me super busy until all hours of the evening. I hope they tire me out tomorrow before my - oh no - date. 

             Just in case you were wondering, I like Ferrero Rocher and Kinder chocolate. As for wine, I actually prefer rum, and I have toilette paper so don’t worry about that. 

:)