Fur Coat for Christmas

I cannot get this phrase out of my head, “Fur coat for Christmas,” and I will tell you why. I know that Christmas is far-gone, but take this post as an informational session, a way for you to learn how to get what you want for the holidays next year. Believe me, it is a lengthy process that requires a great deal of conditioning and groveling.

As a spoiled & overgrown teenager, I know what I do to get what I want for Christmas. “But Nonna, I absolutely need all of these Mac products for work. When my boss texts or calls me on their iPhone, it is necessary that I have the same phone so communication is easy and quick. Complications will arise if I am not up to date technologically. Also, I need all of these new clothes because I need to look good for work.” Do I get what I want, yes, but it takes a lot of complaining and pretending to be too “stressed out” to eat her pasta. Once she realizes no one is eating her pasta she will do anything.

I know I am cute but I have a better story for you. My friend Kristie from high school knew exactly what she wanted for Christmas months in advance, and that was a fur coat. We all know a good fur coat is not cheap. The trick is to hold off on buying really nice things, now matter how badly you want them, because then, someone will just buy it for you for Christmas. Genius, right?

Now, how do we ascertain that someone will buy us exactly what we want? How do we make sure that it will be the right design, color, texture and most importantly, designer? We condition them. And that is exactly what Kristie did with her long time boyfriend Keith.

September – Kristie and Keith meet up for lunch. Kristie notices a woman wearing a fur coat. Kristie acknowledges how beautiful the coat looks on the woman and later states, “If that woman weren’t wearing that gorgeous fur coat she really wouldn’t look pretty at all, but it just brings out her eyes.” Keith nods in confusion.

October - Kristie and Keith are in a clothing store. After separating into their different sections, Kristie emerges from a pool of clothes to find Keith sitting on a couch waiting for her to finish shopping. To his, and apparently her surprise, she is wearing a fur coat. “Wow, how… how did this get on me?” she asked. “Anyway, how do I look?” Obviously, she looked fantastic in the coat. He wouldn’t forget it.

November -  “Fur coat for Christmas,” Kristie whispered in Keith’s ear while he was asleep. The “Fur coat for Christmas” actually started a few months prior, but she knew that she had to go full force the month before the big day, so she arranged more sleepovers than usual.

December – It is Christmas day and Kristie is impatiently waiting to see if all of her hard work had paid off.  She spent hours planning and working at trying to put the fur coat in the bag. All of her friends know about the coat and are expecting her to come to the next party in it.
Everyone is anticipating… FUR COAT.

While unwrapping, Keith gives her no signs as to what the present it. She bites her lip; her hand shakes while tearing the gift-wrap. The final moment has come. Has he gotten her the fur coat? Only the box is left. She opens the box. FURRRRRRRR

I caved, said Keith. I had to.

Kids, that is how you get what you want for Christmas. Now go get it.