Searching For Significant Other

No luck finding a personal assistant, so I am just going try and find a significant other that I don’t have to pay to do things for me.

Now if this whole thing is going to involve actually wanting to spend time with the person, I am going to have to be really selective with what I ask for. Let’s start with what I don’t want.

Cheap. If you are cheap you are unattractive. No one likes someone who is too cheap to go to the movies, or too cheap to refrain from the impulse of asking for those two dollars back. I mean, who does that? People who never want to get laid.

If male, I don’t want you to be less than 6 foot… that is unless you have beautiful features. Face over height. 

Next, I don’t want a Virgo or Cancer. I am sorry but you bore me. I would say I don’t want a Gemini because they are bipolar... but that would exclude Shane West and I may still be in love with him. Even if I saw him with another woman, and cry over it every night while admiring his photograph on my dresser.

Next, I don’t want a serial cheater. “It isn’t cheating unless you’re married” doesn’t fly with me. You know who you are. 

I also don’t want someone who is “confused.” You’re not confused you’re bisexual. Own it.

As for what I do want. I want a lot of things.

Lets start with my preferred zodiac signs. I love Scorpios. If you are a Scorpio I will give you special consideration. Next comes Capricorn and Aquarius. You aren't afraid of emotion and I like that. 

Speaking of emotions. If you have none, you freak me out. Men who claim they haven't cried in years are men to run from fast. We need to practice cardio to have the endurance to run even faster. 

Dancing skills are also a plus. I have loads of energy and you will have to keep up with me. If you are lazy stop reading now.

If you are shy I might find you intriguing and mysterious at first and try to get under your skin, but that will soon turn into annoyance. You annoy me. 

Brown hair, brown eyes and a button nose are also a plus. People with light eyes get too much credit and I am bitter about it. I also want my children to look like me. Exactly like me. 

I want a freak in the streets and a freak in the ...... I’m just being honest.

If Harry Potter and The Craft were two of your favorite movies growing up then we might have something to talk about. 

Did I just describe myself?